People creep into your life in the most unexpected ways sometimes. I'm enthralled with this new blog I discovered.
She's a widow via suicide with 3 children. I'm still
reading but from what I've read so far their father committed the act in front
of the children and to their mother, it seemed to come out of nowhere.
Reading her posts has made me reflect on my own situation.
I just don't understand! Why did this have to happen to her? It should
have happened to me. *I know, HOW could I say that* But I was tortured by my
son's father for 6 months, some of the things he did to me I'll never even be
able to pour into my blog let alone actually talk to someone I know about it.
Night after night I prayed that he'd come home, not get arrested, not
fall asleep face down in a marsh, not so drunk that he got hit by a car, etc.
etc... 4 years later he is engaged for the SIXTH time and onto kid #3,
when he wasn't even there for the birth of his 2nd. It's not fair. My beautiful
5 yr old boy is the only one in our neighborhood of little boys WITHOUT his dad
and he's the only one I see getting bullied on a continued basis. Every
April's Fools day I change my relationship status to "widowed" I do
it with the movie OH! Brother Where Art Thou in mind. She says in the movie
"plenty of respectable people get hit by trains." and I used that as
the basis for my own personal joke, but with Mad Woman in mind, I'll probably never
do it again.
I'm not that angry at my son's father anymore. I'm
angry at my situation. I'm so angry that I'm pissed off that we have to
live around people who have no ambition in life but to collect welfare every
month. I'm pissed that I'm the one trying to better my life yet I still
live in the ghetto and my son plays with kids who bully HIM! I'm pissed
off that my child is the 1st to share a new toy but when he asks to see someone
else's toy? He's literally told NO! I'm pissed off at our situation
and the fact that I allowed it to happen by BEING A COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT and
not kicking out his dad before he left on his own accord.
I'm happy that school is coming so easy to me now. I happy that at present, I don't have to do hours of homework each night to get good grades. I'm happy that I can still have fun with my boy for now. I'm
happy that I'm doing something about our situation by trying to get the hell
out of it! I'm happy that we have a new future to look forward to.
This place WILL NOT be our life. I will not allow it.
2 comments:
I Know you will make it! You have that drive and determination behind you! Oh like you I could share some stories that would shocking and horrific but somethings are better left in a closet and unsaid! Just know that I am here. Twisted, scared, and demented but still holding it togather barely sometimes by a thread!
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