WHO KNEW that a guy dressed like Hugh Hefner would have such great answers about “dating a sociopath?” At the end of the end, I had a beautiful 10 month old baby & I asked BOB to go to couple’s counseling. The dude was gone within 2 weeks and this was exactly 2 weeks after he failed to go to rehab after promising me that he was FOR SURE going this time. I was CRUSHED and alone with a little boy about to turn one. BOB over the course of our blood bath of a relationship beat on me more times than I could probably count. Alone was scarier than the beatings. At least I could gauge and figure out when I was going to get one… Like me begging him to help me with something when he was really hung over/probably still drunk. To the countless times he’d come home from the bar at 2:30am and yell, “Make me a sandwich you f***king c**t.” (FYI: I have NO problem with the c-word anymore… I’m immune!) Sooooo… The million dollar question; how does one start dating a waste of space sub-par human like BOB?
I was schmoozed & wooed by BOB from day one. He met me at a Halloween party and told me that I was the prettiest girl there. Two nights later, after I turned him down for dates, I agreed to accompany on him for “trick or treating” with a friend of his who was dating a girl with a little boy. I agreed, why not?!? A guy asks you out to do a “family type” thing? I can’t be the only girl that would fall for something like THAT! As BOB and I were walking down the street following this boyfriend and girlfriend, watching this cute little boy that went house to house collecting his candy, BOB kept grabbing my hand to hold onto. This was strange to me because the last long term boyfriend I had was very anti-PDA. So the girl in me thought this was ADORABLE and played along. Later, when I said something funny, BOB pulled me close to him and kissed me on the forehead. THAT WAS IT… I WAS DONE. BOB HAD ME, but he probably knew it. The next 4 days were “all about me.” BOB wanted to know where I was going be, how he could help get me there and wanted me to be at his apartment every night. He picked me up from my classes, kept my beloved pillow at his place & even had my cell phone charger. *I KNOW… sounds pretty heavy* On the Thursday night after I met him (4 days after trick-or-treating) BOB called my cell phone. He had dropped me off at work and already knew what times my breaks were. He told me that he had FINALLY reconnected with his mother. His mother finally told him where she lived after totally abandoning him and asked him to help her move because they were getting kicked out of their home, which included his little sister & brother from his mother’s 2nd marriage. I was swooning at this point. My poor, poor beloved boyfriend’s mommy asked for his help. I was thinking, “Maybe this is it!” I can bring this “man” back together with his mother because I could truly explain to him how sad it really is to be without a mother because I had lost mine to cancer almost 5 years prior to meeting him. BOB had entered “saint-hood” status where I was concerned. He explained how sorry he was that he wouldn’t be able to pick me up from work and asked me what he should do with my pillow and cell phone charger. I told him to just drop them off at my house because I knew that my roommate Wendy would be there. When I got home from work that night, Wendy told me how BOB had walked in, acting like a strung out junkie, yammering on & on about the times he had been in rehab for “coke” when he was 16 and 17. She waited for him to finish his rant before she finally took my pillow and charger and watched him walk out the door. I told her that she had NOTHING to worry about. BOB was the sweetest guy, and she just didn’t know him like I did.
This was the beginning of the end… Honeymoon-wise. The rest is a gory horror story of the pitiful shit I put up with, all for the sake of my child though, so it was worth it... Anything for my little boy! I woke up on a Wednesday morning before class to see 6 missed calls from BOB during the middle of the night. When I listened to the voicemails, it wasn’t BOB’s voice, but a girl’s. She said, “Why the F**K are you calling my boyfriend? Who are you & what do you think you’re doing calling him? He’s mine so f**k off and never call this number again!” HOLY COW!!! I had been duped AGAIN! I called BOB’s # to ask for my DVDs back that I left at his house. He asked me, “Why are you breaking up with me?” I told him that it was because his g/f Tara had reamed me out, saying that I was supposed to “stay away” because she was your girlfriend. He explained ALL OF THIS AWAY… He said that Tara was psycho, still couldn’t believe that they had broken up, & I was to pay NO attention to her because she was still in love with him. Trying to be somewhat intelligent, I asked; “Well then, why was she able to call me FROM YOUR PHONE?!?” He explained that she had come over to see their cats and he went to sleep before he walked her out… Therefore she got ahold of his phone and must’ve called me. BOB: “She has NOTHING to do with me anymore! When I told her that “I loved you” she flipped out and I locked myself in my bedroom to protect myself from her… That’s IT!!!” I’m thinking, “AWWWW! She was mad! That makes sense! She still loved him and he told her that he loved ME.” If baiting a woman into your control had a hook, line & sinker… This was the sinker. I was under his spell at this point, I WASN’T GOING ANYWHERE.
Sociopaths are too good at what they do. Most of them, like BOB, don’t even know they are doing some of these things on purpose! There’s no cure and no real concrete treatment. Sociopaths rarely accept that they have a problem so treatment is a terribly moot point. I at least wanted my readers to know HOW I started dating BOB before they picked up and said anyone who dated such an effing loser isn’t worth listening to. I’ll try not to be so heavy next blog. Maybe it’ll be something about rainbows & fluffy bunnies with a princess saved by her prince charming while riding a unicorn. I DON’T KNOW!!! I’m still working on it! ;P
XOXO
-S
Related article: (but remember, if I would’ve read this beforehand… it may have
still done nothing AND I wouldn’t have my outgoing star of a five year old… LOVE HIM!)
10 Ways to Identify a
Sociopath
1.
Listen to the way your
partner speaks. Most sociopaths put themselves on pedestals. Their grandiose
sense of self makes them feel entitled to certain things. They see these things
as "their right."
2.
Pay attention to the
way the person treats you. A sociopath is manipulative, domineering,
controlling, and takes pleasure in humiliating his victim(s). Sociopaths have
self-serving behaviors.
3.
Count the lies.
Sociopaths are notorious liars. It's almost impossible for a sociopath to tell
the truth.
4.
Observe the way the
person expresses his or her emotions. A sociopath has an incapacity for love.
Promiscuity, addictions, verbal outbursts and physical punishments are the
sociopath's way of stimulating himself.
5.
Wait until he or she
says or does something wrong. The sociopath shows no remorse, shame or guilt.
Although a sociopath may be outraged by insignificant matters, he or she will
remain unmoved by serious matters.
6.
Count his or her
friends. A sociopath has trouble making and keeping friends. He will make up an
excuse for this, too.
7.
Listen to other
people. Sociopaths do not become sociopaths overnight. They have a history.
Sometimes these histories include aberrant behaviors, including: stealing,
lying, promiscuity, and cruelty to people or animals.
8.
Observe the way she
blames others. The sociopath does not take responsibility for her actions.
Instead, she blames others, even for acts she obviously committed.
9.
Listen to his plans
for the future. The sociopath makes unrealistic plans for the future. He does
not fulfill his promises and exploits those that try to help him achieve his
goals.
10.
Take a step back. It
may be hard to recognize a sociopath, especially when you're in a relationship
with this person. A sociopath can become very abusive. Unfortunately, the abuse
will not stop. The sociopath "gets by" by promising, lying, and
manipulating. This will create a sense of hopelessness in the victim, thus
producing an addictive cycle for abuser and abused.
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