Friday, August 17, 2012

August 24th

August 24th...  I LOVE August 24th.

August 24th 2007 Mr.N’s “father” left us.  Mr.N was very nearly 10 months old.

I spent the next year hearing promise after promise that he was coming back so we could be a “family” again and I believed him every fucking time.

November 2008 BOB called me the week before his birthday, obviously drunk, slurring his words at 3 o’clock in the afternoon.  His girlfriend (the one he ran off with & the one I call #10 because she was the 10th one that I KNEW OF who he had cheated on me with) was screaming in the background, “Take him back!  I don’t want him!”  He yelled back to her, “Shut up you fucking slut I’m on the phone!”  He cried & cried and finally VERY QUIETLY said, “I love you, I want to come home.”  For the 1st time ever my stomach did something unusual…  It wasn’t “butterflies” like every other time.  It was nausea!  Sweet sweet NAUSEA!  I FELT SICK TO MY STOMACH OVER HEARING THOSE THREE WORDS… I LOVE YOU.  I literally LAUGHED OUT LOUD and it threw him, I could hear the surprise over the phone.  Even in his drucken state he knew.  Saying those words to me usually got a reaction of, “Oh! You know you can always come home”… BLAH BLAH BLAH!  I always said some sappy ass bullshit that made him feel he had me to fall back on but not this time.  I was over him & he knew it.  For the 1st time BOB KNEW he couldn't come back to our house.

BOB’s “mom” tried to keep a relationship with me.  I knew the whole time that I didn’t want her around FOREVER because she was mentally unstable but I had NOTHING!!!  And with my family more than 2 hours away and sick and tired of me taking back BOB…  BOB’s “mom” was the only person close to me (geographically speaking).  Whenever BOB’s “mom” was having hard times with her partner, she would reach out to me.  One time in 2008 she called me on a Friday night asking if we wanted to come to her house for the weekend.  At the time I was oblivious as to her motives but on our way to her house she said, “There goes [her partner & her son]!”  I said, “WHAT?!?  Why are they heading that way?” (away from their house)  She said that her and her partner had gotten into a BIG fight that day and when they get into fights like that her partner takes her son [her biological son & BOB's half brother] and goes away for awhile.  INSTANTLY… I’m on full “defensive mode.”  My mommy senses were tingling, something was NOT right here!  I felt that I SHOULD NOT BE going to her house without anyone else there.  I tiptoed around her for the night, we watched TV and Mr.N & I went to sleep.  The next morning, I was still feeling uneasy about being there.  I went on her computer to upload some pictures to Myspace… (HA!  I know, I only had Myspace back then J)  After I put my memory card into her computer her “My Pictures” folder popped up.  I... was… FLOORED…  There were pictures of the INSIDE of my house!  The only time she was inside of my house, without me, was when my Grandmother died.  I didn’t want to take Mr.N to a funeral at 2 years old when he was still a MONSTER in Church.  I loved my Grandmother SO dearly that even I didn’t want Mr.N there to take away from my grieving & my dad agreed.  BOB’s mom agreed to take Mr.N for the day and I lied to my entire family that day saying that Mr.N was with a very trusted neighbor of mine.  My sister who lived in a nearby town at the time told me she wouldn’t take me to our grandmother’s funeral if BOB’s “mom” was watching Mr.N.  So I lied.

YES!  My house was messy!  I just spent 3 days knowing that my Grandmother was dead & my car was such a P.O.S. that I couldn’t be in my hometown with my family.  The pictures showed clutter, clothes strung around & the most damning picture, a pair of scissors on the top of Mr.N’s TV in his room.  The night before the funeral I had been in Mr.N’s room cutting out construction paper shapes for Mr.N’s walls. (call it therapy for me)  I must’ve left the scissors on the top of his TV (which was on an entertainment stand, STILL out of his reach) from the night before.  THESE PICTURES OF MY HOUSE ALL POPPED UP ON BOB’S “mom’s” COMPUTER WITH ONLY ME, MR.N & BOB’S “mom” IN THE HOUSE!  I knew all along that BOB’s “mom” had guns in the house… Her partner had a permit for multiple hand guns SO I FROZE for a second.  I closed the computer window and walked over to the couch.  I couldn’t confront her with the pics on her computer.  She was already in a fragile state with her partner running off with HER son for what I could only think, was a “safety concern.”  I again tip toed around her as much as I could, but she caught on.  I was ready to call 911 if I had to but she finally confronted me… She said, “OK!  What is wrong with you?!?”  I told her that I saw the pictures of my house on her computer and, “I WANT TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW!!!”  She pleaded and begged with me that the “pics were NOTHING!  I was just afraid for my grandson!”  I said, “I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!  If you won’t take me willingly, I will call someone who will.”  Defeated...  She took us home.  She didn't talk the whole way (thankfully) and when we got to my house... she tried to say something and I told her to, "Shut the FUCK up!  You betrayed me & I will never forget it!"  I didn't want to hear it.  At this point I was used to being betrayed by her IDIOT offspring... But now I knew... I couldn't fucking trust her either. She contacted me sporadically for the next year...  always carefully...  but I never met her with Mr.N face to face.

August 24th 2009 I started my very first job since I was pregnant with Mr.N.  I lost my job in July of 2006, 3 months before Mr.N was born.  July 2006 was also the month that I took his “father” back.  He had a well paying job during the week and I spent my weekends worrying about WHERE BOB was.  It took a toll on my job because I worked at a hotel where BOB would park his car on Friday night and disappear for the entire weekend.  I asked my co-workers to call in his car to be towed but they never would.  I can only guess they were secretly scared of retaliation if they did so.

Anyway, August 24th 2009, I drop off Mr.N at day care and go to my 1st job in just over 3 years.  3 years of BULLSHIT!  7 months of which included regular beatings from BOB, a year of pining over an asshole and one year of being an Animal Shelter volunteer and putting blood, sweat & tears into hunting for a job.  I FINALLY GOT A JOB!  :D  Mr.N’s day care mom was adamant that he had a speech delay… When I thought it wasn’t that big of a deal.  So 2 weeks after I started my 1st job as a "single mom", Mr.N started a pre-school under an IEP.  THINGS WERE CRAZY!

 BOB's "mom" contacted me through facebook, she said she wanted to spend some time with Mr.N.  I honestly meant it when I said, "not now."  I was still waiting for another batch of fucking crazy to bake up...  I knew it was coming, I just didn't want to be in her personal company when it actually DID happen.  LOL

my actual facebook message:
not now. You wanted to be added for pics. Until I can confirm you're stable... sorry. I'm focused on Nik and his new school life... me and my new work life... getting us both to and from with the snow about to fly.... and that's it. I'm sorry I can't help you more than that now.
The actual facebook message from her partner:
Sarah, what since your dont have a mother anymore you have to go after other peoples mothers. If this is the way that you acted when she was alive it is no wonder that she is dead, you probably drove her into the ground, thank god she is gone and does not have to deal with the evil person that you are anymore, she was smart, she left before you got this bad. No good christian would be as evil and mean as you are, you have to belong to a anti christ church!

Did she really fucking say that my beloved mother DIED because she didn't want to stick around on EARTH to see me become a FIERCE mother willing to protect my child against people that seemed detrimental to OUR moving forward in life?!?

I believe BOB's "mom's" partner is the anti-christ for even writing the above.  She is a sick sick SICK & twisted individual for even being able to TYPE such a fucking STUPID message to me.
Fast forward 3 years...  Mr.N is on his computer watching the TV show "Dinosaurs" on youtube.  (yes, the Sinclair family with the NOT THE MAMA! baby)  I'm hungry for a BBQ pulled pork sub from Subway so I go outside and wait for him to finish his video before we leave.  When Mr.N comes outside his little friend is riding his bike in our parking lot so Mr.N rides around with him for a little bit.  A truck that I've seen a lot in our neighborhood pulls into the circle drive, driving very, very slowly.  I think that the driver of the truck is being cautious of the kiddos riding their bikes & it stops just short of our place.  I tell Mr.N that it's time to go.  I hop on my bike, still not caring or LOOKING at the driver of the truck, but I was aware that it started driving behind us after we started going.  I told myself...  "Stop freaking out, it's just a coincidence. You're not THAT special, they're not following US." LOL  We turned left out of our driveway and then right into the driveway of the H.S. & I never looked behind at the the truck again.  We rode our bikes behind the H.S. through the parking lot. When we made it to the next street's sidewalk... just passed the parking lot... it happened.  We were on the left hand side of the road, on the sidewalk when all the sudden the Chevy S-10 with the blue body & white truck bed turned into the oncoming lane ahead of us, pointed at the sidewalk but still on the road of course.  I couldn't really see the person but I immediately recognized the truck.  I was stunned that someone was in the other lane of traffic & stunned that they were addressing me.  *WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!?*  The person then said, "I just want you to know, I think you're doing a really great job with him."  I was looking at the cars that were IN THE RIGHT LANE trying to figure out what was going on with this truck blocking their lane AND the sun was in my eyes.  When I figured out WHO it was I said, "ooooookkkkkaaaay."  She sat there and again I looked at the cars in the "RIGHT" lane waiting for this FUCKING crazy person in a truck blocking their lane.  I yelled, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?" She replied but I couldn't make out what she said because the cars were now going around her vehicle in the other lane.  She said, "What's wrong?"  I said, "I'm FRICKEN terrified! That's WHAT!"  She again said something I couldn't make out, but stayed where she was in her truck. At this point Mr.N said, "Mama?!?  What's going on!!!"  I said, "Com'on!  We're going back home!  Com'on Buddy, LET'S GO!"  She said something along the lines of... "ok ok, I won't bother you anymore."  We rode our bikes back into the parking lot of the H.S. and I stood there decompressing what had just happened.  I was FUCKING MAD, but I didn't let Mr.N know.  I stood there, thinking about what had just happened.  I HAVEN'T FELT THAT FUCKING VIOLATED IN MY HOME TERRITORY SINCE I WILLINGLY LET BOB BACK INTO OUR LIVES.


Until I finish school and move back to my hometown...  I will have to worry about this PSYCHO lady living closer to me than any of my family and it makes me sick.