Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Screw Unicorns & Rainbows! I’m going to talk about what I really want to…

I am well aware that there is someone "trolling" my page...  but I'm still going to talk about the things I originally wanted to talk about.  I refuse to let one person dictate the truths that I have to tell.

    After BOB had me completely under his control, he started breaking plans with me 75% of the time.  He had me on a very short leash when he wanted me, and left me drowning when he had no need for me.  Later ALL the truths surfaced about the other women he had in his life when he would break plans with me.  Finally, it was his "friends" that told me of his extra-curricular activities.  They confided in me, expressing their utter disgust in what BOB was doing behind my back and never ONCE did any of these "friends" express that they wanted to date me.  I know now that they absolutely thought I was a sweet, meek, stupid girl who truly needed to have an educated point of view on how BOB treats women.  They just saw me as an over trusting person who they KNEW was being taken advantage of.  One night, BOB's best friend took pity upon me and invited me to go out to the bars with him and some of BOB's friends.  So here I was at a bar with all of his "friends" actually having a good time.  They wanted to take me out & show me that I could have a great time without BOB.  They also wanted to let me know some truths, from them, that I wouldn't have a CLUE about otherwise.  Somehow, this night, BOB figured out where we were & what his "friends" were up to.  BOB came up to our table and asked straight out if I was f**king ALL of his friends.  I remember ALL of us laughing hysterically at his statement.  One of his "friends" said, "Are you THAT much of an idiot that you would think that?!?"  After that, I could see that BOB felt VERY stupid and he tried to play it off as if he were kidding.  He sat down and acted as if nothing he said before had mattered.  I could tell that his "friends" were "put off" about him being there.  I remember one of his "friends" even saying bluntly, "What are you doing here? Nobody wants you here."  BOB laughed (as if Justin was joking) and wouldn't you know it... I felt bad for him.  *UGH... thinking back now.* They kept berating him for the next hour at least and all it did ultimately, was make me feel bad for him.  I guess I can blame this on the control methods he already had in place on me.  When the night was over, I found myself going home with BOB and apologizing to him for going out with his friends in the first place.  I remember feeling TERRIBLE.  I felt like I had ultimately betrayed him in the worst possible way just for being at the bar with his "friends" without him.

    Two weeks later it was Christmas.  I decided to forego the festivities in my hometown because BOB told me he was going to be all alone at Christmas.  AAAAAWWWWW!  How could I leave town to see my family when my dear sweet boyfriend was going to be completely ALONE!  I asked him, “Why aren’t you going to be with you mom… since you’ve finally re-connected with her, after you helped her move?”  BOB explained that since he had helped her move, they have had ANOTHER “falling out.”  On Christmas Eve, I went to my sister’s house.  She was 100% PISSED OFF at me when I explained, after our prime rib dinner, that I had to go back home to be with BOB because he was “all alone”.  So I went anyway.  What choice did I really have after all?  I went to some random house party with BOB that night… feeling stupid that I had left my sister’s house for such an idiotic alternative.  Christmas morning rolls around…  I’m at my house with ALL my roommates gone to be with their families.  My sister keeps calling me to find out if she needs to pick me up to go to her “in-laws” house for Christmas Day festivities, like I had done all the prior years.  The only thing I could keep telling her was that, “BOB hasn’t answered his phone & I can’t leave without him, because he’s all alone.”  Waiting… Waiting… Waiting…  The 1st couple phone calls to BOB were answered with, “I’ll be there soon”, “Just a little while yet. I’m taking care of some things.”, “Why do you keep calling me?  I’ll be there when I can!”  The next phone call was EPIC!  He answered with, “I’m at f**king TARA’s mom’s house!  She is my girlfriend and she REALLY wants you to stop calling me here!”  (if you remember from my previous blog post, TARA was the girl that called me in the middle of the night from BOB’s phone… He explained that she was “psycho”) At this point, I said “HOLY SHIT!  Fine... We Are Done! Please do not call me again… EVER!  I want nothing to do with you!”  BOB agreed, he said he wanted nothing to do with me either & this was “good-bye.”  I was sad and alone, knowing BOB ultimately alienated me from my family this particular Christmas… so I put “ELF” into the dvd player and tried to cheer myself up.  Two hours later, just as ELF was over, there was a knock at my front door.  Completely unaware of whom it could be, I walked over and opened it.  IT WAS BOB!  He explained that EVERYTHING he said to me over the phone was a LIE!  He only said those things to make TARA feel better, He was with TARA because her family wanted him there…  But he didn’t mean ANYTHING he said to me on the phone.  He LOVED me!  & I was the only person he truly cared about… period.  [to be continued]

Friday, February 17, 2012

Have YOU Met A Sociopath? ~A Warning Story~

    WHO KNEW that a guy dressed like Hugh Hefner would have such great answers about “dating a sociopath?”  At the end of the end, I had a beautiful 10 month old baby & I asked BOB to go to couple’s counseling.  The dude was gone within 2 weeks and this was exactly 2 weeks after he failed to go to rehab after promising me that he was FOR SURE going this time.  I was CRUSHED and alone with a little boy about to turn one.  BOB over the course of our blood bath of a relationship beat on me more times than I could probably count.  Alone was scarier than the beatings.  At least I could gauge and figure out when I was going to get one…  Like me begging him to help me with something when he was really hung over/probably still drunk.  To the countless times he’d come home from the bar at 2:30am and yell, “Make me a sandwich you f***king c**t.”  (FYI:  I have NO problem with the c-word anymore… I’m immune!)  Sooooo…  The million dollar question; how does one start dating a waste of space sub-par human like BOB?

    I was schmoozed & wooed by BOB from day one.  He met me at a Halloween party and told me that I was the prettiest girl there.  Two nights later, after I turned him down for dates, I agreed to accompany on him for “trick or treating” with a friend of his who was dating a girl with a little boy.  I agreed, why not?!?  A guy asks you out to do a “family type” thing?  I can’t be the only girl that would fall for something like THAT!  As BOB and I were walking down the street following this boyfriend and girlfriend, watching this cute little boy that went house to house collecting his candy, BOB kept grabbing my hand to hold onto.  This was strange to me because the last long term boyfriend I had was very anti-PDA.  So the girl in me thought this was ADORABLE and played along.  Later, when I said something funny, BOB pulled me close to him and kissed me on the forehead.  THAT WAS IT… I WAS DONE.  BOB HAD ME, but he probably knew it.  The next 4 days were “all about me.”  BOB wanted to know where I was going be, how he could help get me there and wanted me to be at his apartment every night.  He picked me up from my classes, kept my beloved pillow at his place & even had my cell phone charger.  *I KNOW… sounds pretty heavy*  On the Thursday night after I met him (4 days after trick-or-treating) BOB called my cell phone.  He had dropped me off at work and already knew what times my breaks were.  He told me that he had FINALLY reconnected with his mother.  His mother finally told him where she lived after totally abandoning him and asked him to help her move because they were getting kicked out of their home, which included his little sister & brother from his mother’s 2nd marriage.  I was swooning at this point.  My poor, poor beloved boyfriend’s mommy asked for his help.  I was thinking, “Maybe this is it!”  I can bring this “man” back together with his mother because I could truly explain to him how sad it really is to be without a mother because I had lost mine to cancer almost 5 years prior to meeting him.  BOB had entered “saint-hood” status where I was concerned.  He explained how sorry he was that he wouldn’t be able to pick me up from work and asked me what he should do with my pillow and cell phone charger.  I told him to just drop them off at my house because I knew that my roommate Wendy would be there.  When I got home from work that night, Wendy told me how BOB had walked in, acting like a strung out junkie, yammering on & on about the times he had been in rehab for “coke” when he was 16 and 17.  She waited for him to finish his rant before she finally took my pillow and charger and watched him walk out the door.  I told her that she had NOTHING to worry about.  BOB was the sweetest guy, and she just didn’t know him like I did. 

    This was the beginning of the end… Honeymoon-wise.  The rest is a gory horror story of the pitiful shit I put up with, all for the sake of my child though, so it was worth it...  Anything for my little boy!  I woke up on a Wednesday morning before class to see 6 missed calls from BOB during the middle of the night.  When I listened to the voicemails, it wasn’t BOB’s voice, but a girl’s.  She said, “Why the F**K are you calling my boyfriend?  Who are you & what do you think you’re doing calling him?  He’s mine so f**k off and never call this number again!”  HOLY COW!!!  I had been duped AGAIN!  I called BOB’s # to ask for my DVDs back that I left at his house.  He asked me, “Why are you breaking up with me?”  I told him that it was because his g/f Tara had reamed me out, saying that I was supposed to “stay away” because she was your girlfriend.  He explained ALL OF THIS AWAY…  He said that Tara was psycho, still couldn’t believe that they had broken up, & I was to pay NO attention to her because she was still in love with him.  Trying to be somewhat intelligent, I asked; “Well then, why was she able to call me FROM YOUR PHONE?!?”  He explained that she had come over to see their cats and he went to sleep before he walked her out…  Therefore she got ahold of his phone and must’ve called me.  BOB: “She has NOTHING to do with me anymore!  When I told her that “I loved you” she flipped out and I locked myself in my bedroom to protect myself from her… That’s IT!!!”  I’m thinking, “AWWWW!  She was mad!  That makes sense!  She still loved him and he told her that he loved ME.”  If baiting a woman into your control had a hook, line & sinker…  This was the sinker.  I was under his spell at this point, I WASN’T GOING ANYWHERE.

Sociopaths are too good at what they do.  Most of them, like BOB, don’t even know they are doing some of these things on purpose!  There’s no cure and no real concrete treatment.  Sociopaths rarely accept that they have a problem so treatment is a terribly moot point.  I at least wanted my readers to know HOW I started dating BOB before they picked up and said anyone who dated such an effing loser isn’t worth listening to.  I’ll try not to be so heavy next blog.  Maybe it’ll be something about rainbows & fluffy bunnies with a princess saved by her prince charming while riding a unicorn.  I DON’T KNOW!!!  I’m still working on it!  ;P



Related article: (but remember, if I would’ve read this beforehand… it may have still done nothing AND I wouldn’t have my outgoing star of a five year old…  LOVE HIM!)

10 Ways to Identify a Sociopath

1.    Listen to the way your partner speaks. Most sociopaths put themselves on pedestals. Their grandiose sense of self makes them feel entitled to certain things. They see these things as "their right."
2.    Pay attention to the way the person treats you. A sociopath is manipulative, domineering, controlling, and takes pleasure in humiliating his victim(s). Sociopaths have self-serving behaviors.
3.    Count the lies. Sociopaths are notorious liars. It's almost impossible for a sociopath to tell the truth.
4.    Observe the way the person expresses his or her emotions. A sociopath has an incapacity for love. Promiscuity, addictions, verbal outbursts and physical punishments are the sociopath's way of stimulating himself.
5.    Wait until he or she says or does something wrong. The sociopath shows no remorse, shame or guilt. Although a sociopath may be outraged by insignificant matters, he or she will remain unmoved by serious matters.
6.    Count his or her friends. A sociopath has trouble making and keeping friends. He will make up an excuse for this, too.
7.    Listen to other people. Sociopaths do not become sociopaths overnight. They have a history. Sometimes these histories include aberrant behaviors, including: stealing, lying, promiscuity, and cruelty to people or animals.
8.    Observe the way she blames others. The sociopath does not take responsibility for her actions. Instead, she blames others, even for acts she obviously committed.
9.    Listen to his plans for the future. The sociopath makes unrealistic plans for the future. He does not fulfill his promises and exploits those that try to help him achieve his goals.
10.  Take a step back. It may be hard to recognize a sociopath, especially when you're in a relationship with this person. A sociopath can become very abusive. Unfortunately, the abuse will not stop. The sociopath "gets by" by promising, lying, and manipulating. This will create a sense of hopelessness in the victim, thus producing an addictive cycle for abuser and abused.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

White Picket Fence? I Think Not... *ON FACEBOOK!*

Like me here too please...

That is all for now.


Here goes nothing...

*pic updated from 4/8/2012*

SO...  I've been reading a lot of quirky "mom blogs" lately and every time I think, "HEY!  I could do this.  I've got things to say and no soap box to stand on."  I have a "he-who-must-not-be-named" character in this story, we'll just call him BOB.  BOB gave me the most beautiful 5 year old on this planet but really, that's the only good thing to come out of that train wreck of a "relationship."  I was tortured mentally & physically.  Mentally from day one (I came to realize later) & physically starting shortly after our son's birth.

I never thought of myself as a "survivor of domestic abuse."  For one, it's so damn cliché!  I thought since I stayed, I asked for it.  Later after the fog of BOB had left our teeny tiny family my clarity of the situation surfaced little by little.  One thing that's not cliché though is I'm lucky to be alive.  This sounds dramatic but it is most certainly true...

My tornado of a life now is a good tornado.  Think of it as the tornado that killed the wicked witch of the East.  I'm a full time mom AND full time student at 34 years old.  I'm in the Agribusiness and Science Technology program.  I want to work on a huge corporate farm with the coolest technology that's so new I'll have to teach it to everybody else.  *dream job moment*

I have to sign my cute kid Nik up for all day kindergarten on the 22nd!!!  When did that happen?!?  It seems like one minute he was born.  The next minute his father started drinking heavily.  Fast forward 5 dramatic years and you're booting him out the door to entrust the public school system with his safety and well-being.  I find this funny because I love my child deeply yet his own father probably doesn't know his own kid is starting school in the fall.  *crazy!*

So… Title time…  Growing up, by 30 I thought I’d have 5 kids with more on the way.  A husband I adored, the house, the yard and of course, THE WHITE FRICKEN PICKET FENCE!  Ahhh…  Just another tired old cliché that I can’t get away from.  Bad choices coupled with the fact that my beloved mother died from ovarian cancer when I was 22 got me here today.  I have a lot to say about all of the above so if I’ve done my job in intriguing you, stick around to see what I say next.


Random funny techie thought of the day:
Anyone else find it funny when Microsoft asks permission to install Microsoft updates... I do.