Saturday, March 23, 2013

Aaaaaaaand Now? Baby Time.

I was scared…  

I was scared… SHITLESS!
I was looking at the man who fathered my child, holding my 1st born son over a VERY cold, hard floor.  I KNEW…  If this drunken asshole dropped my little baby, he would be DEAD!  His “father” had been next to us for the last 5 days, but I also knew his sobriety never lasted longer than 3 days before THIS… Something had to give.  I pressed the nurse button…  I told BOB, “YOU PUT HIM DOWN NOW!!!  OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE EVERYONE IN THIS HOSPITAL TAKE YOU DOWN!”

*6 days earlier*

My water broke at 11pm on Sunday night, October 1st, 2006.  I had just got off the phone with my father.  He asked me to go to communion at an LCMS Church before my due date in one week and I told him that I would.  10 minutes later, my water broke!  I called my dad back and told him, “The baby is coming!”  He said, “Wake BOB up NOW!  And get to the hospital!”  I tried to wake BOB up, but in his drunken stooper…. He hit me across my face and said “Shut up BITCH! Let me sleep!!!”  I paced between the bedroom, living room, kitchen & bathroom before I finally decided what I HAD to do.  I took off the VERY wet shorts I was wearing and threw them on BOB’S face.  When he woke up and said, “What THE FUCK?!?”  I told him calmly, “My water broke you IDIOT!!!  You wouldn’t wake up when I 1st asked you to, so I had to resort to this!”  He was DISGUSTED!  But honestly, so was I.  I had my bag already packed and we got to the car.  Half way to the hospital BOB told me, “You better fucking be in labor this time.”  I cried and said, “Well if I’m NOT… I have just peed my pants like I’ve never peed them before.”  We got to the hospital and I got checked in.  My water broke THREE more times after I got there and I was TOTALLY freaked out!  The staff explained that a person’s water doesn’t necessarily break just “once.”   It was Midnight before I got my room…  BOB went to sleep on the couch and I stayed up watching TV.

Around 3am a Nurse came into my room to watch TV with me.  After the show, a commercial came on for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America.  I looked at her and said, “You HAVE to know that all of that is BULLSHIT… Right?  My Mom died of ovarian cancer in 2000 & they are just giving people “false hope.”  The nurse grabbed my hand even harder and said, “Yes.  They have NO idea what they’re talking about.”

At 5am, I called my sister at home.  I told her that I had been in labor since 11pm the night before.  She said that she would go to work but check up on me, all through the day.

Pitocin, pitocin, pitocin, pitocin…. By 11am, I couldn’t take it anymore.  Nothing was happening and I screamed for an epidermal.  I stayed still for it and after that… I had NO MORE PAIN.

At 5pm, my sister showed up with video camera and everything.  2 hours later my Doctor proclaimed that Nikolas was in distress and we needed to do an immediate C-section.  During the C-section they found that Nikolas’ umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice.

Nik was born at 6:35 pm on 10/03…  I finally got to hold him in my arms around 10pm on October 3rd, 2006.  24 hours after my water broke.

The next morning, I woke up…  COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED!  The nurses had brought Nik into my room to breast feed through the night.  I was aware of it but I was still so totally exhausted that I just trusted my nurses to take care of Nikolas and me.  

I was SPENT!!!  I had NO way of understanding, as a new mother, how I was supposed to FEEL?!?

When my regular Doctor came in to see me, the morning after my C-section…  She took ONE look at me and ran out of the room.  All the sudden I had nurses, PAs, LPNs, CNAs and my Dr. rushing around me.  They were taking my blood pressure & vital signs.  Little did I know at the time…  The Doctor who had followed me through my WHOLE pregnancy saw that I was near death, 10 hours after my C-section.

All through the night I had been bleeding internally.  Later we found out that I had lost half of my body’s blood volume by morning.

I was raced to a full body scan… and given blood transfusions for the rest of the day (4 transfusions to be exact).  Finally at 4:30pm the Doctor that took Nikolas from me (in a C-section) less than 24 hours earlier decided that it was time to do ANOTHER surgery to find out where my internal bleeding was coming from.  I told BOB to PLEASE take care of Nikolas if I didn’t make it through my surgery… and he cried.

When I woke up from my surgery…  I started SCREAMING!!!  *totally irrational, I had NO idea what the hell I was talking about* “WHERE IS MY BABY?!?  WHO TOOK MY BABY?!? WHERE IS HE?!?”  I remember a bunch of people holding me down and then… blackness.

When I woke up again I remembered what I did and said…  I immediately apologized to the people around me, but they replied, “It happens more often than you may think.”  *now THAT was embarrassing* 

They explained that they had “opened me back up… taken out all my organs… turned them over… looked at the backsides of them… they saw NO perforations, tears or cuts to my organs… but they found A LOT of internal bleeding.  So whatever was nicked by a scalpel during my c-section, cause A LOT of blood loss afterward, but repaired it’s self shortly before me 2nd surgery.  *FUCKING GREAT, the 2nd surgery was for NOTHING, sort of, well, in the end anyway*

I spent the next 5 days in the hospital.  On Saturday morning, BOB told me that he was going to go to our “home” to get ready for Nikolas and me to “come home.”  1pm:  No answer.  2pm:  No answer. 3pm: No answer.

4pm:  Nikolas is DISCHARGED from the hospital… but I am NOT!  Seeing that I have NO way of getting a hold of Nikolas’ “father”… Nikolas is allowed to stay with me but since HE is officially DISCHARGED the nurses aren’t allowed to have any “hands-on contact” with Nik.

5pm. 6pm. 7pm. 8pm. 9pm. 10pm.

10pm:  BOB finally answers his phone…  He is CRYING!!!  He says that he has LOST our car.  He admits that he went downtown, drinking, but he REALLY, REALLY wants to come back to the hospital room…  If he can only find the car!

By now, I told him, “Don’t set FOOT into this hospital!  Call a cab, go THE FUCK home and sleep it off!  DO NOT come here or I will call security.  

… but he shows up anyway, in my hospital room.
I was scared…  
I was scared… SHITLESS!
I was looking at the man who fathered my child, holding my 1st born son over a VERY cold, hard floor.  I KNEW…  If this drunken asshole dropped my little baby, he would be DEAD!  His “father” had been next to us for the last 5 days, but I also knew his sobriety never lasted longer than 3 days before THIS… Something had to give.  I pressed the nurse button…  I told BOB, “YOU PUT HIM DOWN NOW!!!  OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE EVERYONE IN THIS HOSPITAL TAKE YOU DOWN!”
The ASSHOLE put my son down, in his bed and I cancelled the nurse’s call.

I swear to GOD!  I never trusted that man with my son alone… ever again.

Friday, August 17, 2012

August 24th

August 24th...  I LOVE August 24th.

August 24th 2007 Mr.N’s “father” left us.  Mr.N was very nearly 10 months old.

I spent the next year hearing promise after promise that he was coming back so we could be a “family” again and I believed him every fucking time.

November 2008 BOB called me the week before his birthday, obviously drunk, slurring his words at 3 o’clock in the afternoon.  His girlfriend (the one he ran off with & the one I call #10 because she was the 10th one that I KNEW OF who he had cheated on me with) was screaming in the background, “Take him back!  I don’t want him!”  He yelled back to her, “Shut up you fucking slut I’m on the phone!”  He cried & cried and finally VERY QUIETLY said, “I love you, I want to come home.”  For the 1st time ever my stomach did something unusual…  It wasn’t “butterflies” like every other time.  It was nausea!  Sweet sweet NAUSEA!  I FELT SICK TO MY STOMACH OVER HEARING THOSE THREE WORDS… I LOVE YOU.  I literally LAUGHED OUT LOUD and it threw him, I could hear the surprise over the phone.  Even in his drucken state he knew.  Saying those words to me usually got a reaction of, “Oh! You know you can always come home”… BLAH BLAH BLAH!  I always said some sappy ass bullshit that made him feel he had me to fall back on but not this time.  I was over him & he knew it.  For the 1st time BOB KNEW he couldn't come back to our house.

BOB’s “mom” tried to keep a relationship with me.  I knew the whole time that I didn’t want her around FOREVER because she was mentally unstable but I had NOTHING!!!  And with my family more than 2 hours away and sick and tired of me taking back BOB…  BOB’s “mom” was the only person close to me (geographically speaking).  Whenever BOB’s “mom” was having hard times with her partner, she would reach out to me.  One time in 2008 she called me on a Friday night asking if we wanted to come to her house for the weekend.  At the time I was oblivious as to her motives but on our way to her house she said, “There goes [her partner & her son]!”  I said, “WHAT?!?  Why are they heading that way?” (away from their house)  She said that her and her partner had gotten into a BIG fight that day and when they get into fights like that her partner takes her son [her biological son & BOB's half brother] and goes away for awhile.  INSTANTLY… I’m on full “defensive mode.”  My mommy senses were tingling, something was NOT right here!  I felt that I SHOULD NOT BE going to her house without anyone else there.  I tiptoed around her for the night, we watched TV and Mr.N & I went to sleep.  The next morning, I was still feeling uneasy about being there.  I went on her computer to upload some pictures to Myspace… (HA!  I know, I only had Myspace back then J)  After I put my memory card into her computer her “My Pictures” folder popped up.  I... was… FLOORED…  There were pictures of the INSIDE of my house!  The only time she was inside of my house, without me, was when my Grandmother died.  I didn’t want to take Mr.N to a funeral at 2 years old when he was still a MONSTER in Church.  I loved my Grandmother SO dearly that even I didn’t want Mr.N there to take away from my grieving & my dad agreed.  BOB’s mom agreed to take Mr.N for the day and I lied to my entire family that day saying that Mr.N was with a very trusted neighbor of mine.  My sister who lived in a nearby town at the time told me she wouldn’t take me to our grandmother’s funeral if BOB’s “mom” was watching Mr.N.  So I lied.

YES!  My house was messy!  I just spent 3 days knowing that my Grandmother was dead & my car was such a P.O.S. that I couldn’t be in my hometown with my family.  The pictures showed clutter, clothes strung around & the most damning picture, a pair of scissors on the top of Mr.N’s TV in his room.  The night before the funeral I had been in Mr.N’s room cutting out construction paper shapes for Mr.N’s walls. (call it therapy for me)  I must’ve left the scissors on the top of his TV (which was on an entertainment stand, STILL out of his reach) from the night before.  THESE PICTURES OF MY HOUSE ALL POPPED UP ON BOB’S “mom’s” COMPUTER WITH ONLY ME, MR.N & BOB’S “mom” IN THE HOUSE!  I knew all along that BOB’s “mom” had guns in the house… Her partner had a permit for multiple hand guns SO I FROZE for a second.  I closed the computer window and walked over to the couch.  I couldn’t confront her with the pics on her computer.  She was already in a fragile state with her partner running off with HER son for what I could only think, was a “safety concern.”  I again tip toed around her as much as I could, but she caught on.  I was ready to call 911 if I had to but she finally confronted me… She said, “OK!  What is wrong with you?!?”  I told her that I saw the pictures of my house on her computer and, “I WANT TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW!!!”  She pleaded and begged with me that the “pics were NOTHING!  I was just afraid for my grandson!”  I said, “I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!  If you won’t take me willingly, I will call someone who will.”  Defeated...  She took us home.  She didn't talk the whole way (thankfully) and when we got to my house... she tried to say something and I told her to, "Shut the FUCK up!  You betrayed me & I will never forget it!"  I didn't want to hear it.  At this point I was used to being betrayed by her IDIOT offspring... But now I knew... I couldn't fucking trust her either. She contacted me sporadically for the next year...  always carefully...  but I never met her with Mr.N face to face.

August 24th 2009 I started my very first job since I was pregnant with Mr.N.  I lost my job in July of 2006, 3 months before Mr.N was born.  July 2006 was also the month that I took his “father” back.  He had a well paying job during the week and I spent my weekends worrying about WHERE BOB was.  It took a toll on my job because I worked at a hotel where BOB would park his car on Friday night and disappear for the entire weekend.  I asked my co-workers to call in his car to be towed but they never would.  I can only guess they were secretly scared of retaliation if they did so.

Anyway, August 24th 2009, I drop off Mr.N at day care and go to my 1st job in just over 3 years.  3 years of BULLSHIT!  7 months of which included regular beatings from BOB, a year of pining over an asshole and one year of being an Animal Shelter volunteer and putting blood, sweat & tears into hunting for a job.  I FINALLY GOT A JOB!  :D  Mr.N’s day care mom was adamant that he had a speech delay… When I thought it wasn’t that big of a deal.  So 2 weeks after I started my 1st job as a "single mom", Mr.N started a pre-school under an IEP.  THINGS WERE CRAZY!

 BOB's "mom" contacted me through facebook, she said she wanted to spend some time with Mr.N.  I honestly meant it when I said, "not now."  I was still waiting for another batch of fucking crazy to bake up...  I knew it was coming, I just didn't want to be in her personal company when it actually DID happen.  LOL

my actual facebook message:
not now. You wanted to be added for pics. Until I can confirm you're stable... sorry. I'm focused on Nik and his new school life... me and my new work life... getting us both to and from with the snow about to fly.... and that's it. I'm sorry I can't help you more than that now.
The actual facebook message from her partner:
Sarah, what since your dont have a mother anymore you have to go after other peoples mothers. If this is the way that you acted when she was alive it is no wonder that she is dead, you probably drove her into the ground, thank god she is gone and does not have to deal with the evil person that you are anymore, she was smart, she left before you got this bad. No good christian would be as evil and mean as you are, you have to belong to a anti christ church!

Did she really fucking say that my beloved mother DIED because she didn't want to stick around on EARTH to see me become a FIERCE mother willing to protect my child against people that seemed detrimental to OUR moving forward in life?!?

I believe BOB's "mom's" partner is the anti-christ for even writing the above.  She is a sick sick SICK & twisted individual for even being able to TYPE such a fucking STUPID message to me.
Fast forward 3 years...  Mr.N is on his computer watching the TV show "Dinosaurs" on youtube.  (yes, the Sinclair family with the NOT THE MAMA! baby)  I'm hungry for a BBQ pulled pork sub from Subway so I go outside and wait for him to finish his video before we leave.  When Mr.N comes outside his little friend is riding his bike in our parking lot so Mr.N rides around with him for a little bit.  A truck that I've seen a lot in our neighborhood pulls into the circle drive, driving very, very slowly.  I think that the driver of the truck is being cautious of the kiddos riding their bikes & it stops just short of our place.  I tell Mr.N that it's time to go.  I hop on my bike, still not caring or LOOKING at the driver of the truck, but I was aware that it started driving behind us after we started going.  I told myself...  "Stop freaking out, it's just a coincidence. You're not THAT special, they're not following US." LOL  We turned left out of our driveway and then right into the driveway of the H.S. & I never looked behind at the the truck again.  We rode our bikes behind the H.S. through the parking lot. When we made it to the next street's sidewalk... just passed the parking lot... it happened.  We were on the left hand side of the road, on the sidewalk when all the sudden the Chevy S-10 with the blue body & white truck bed turned into the oncoming lane ahead of us, pointed at the sidewalk but still on the road of course.  I couldn't really see the person but I immediately recognized the truck.  I was stunned that someone was in the other lane of traffic & stunned that they were addressing me.  *WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!?*  The person then said, "I just want you to know, I think you're doing a really great job with him."  I was looking at the cars that were IN THE RIGHT LANE trying to figure out what was going on with this truck blocking their lane AND the sun was in my eyes.  When I figured out WHO it was I said, "ooooookkkkkaaaay."  She sat there and again I looked at the cars in the "RIGHT" lane waiting for this FUCKING crazy person in a truck blocking their lane.  I yelled, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?" She replied but I couldn't make out what she said because the cars were now going around her vehicle in the other lane.  She said, "What's wrong?"  I said, "I'm FRICKEN terrified! That's WHAT!"  She again said something I couldn't make out, but stayed where she was in her truck. At this point Mr.N said, "Mama?!?  What's going on!!!"  I said, "Com'on!  We're going back home!  Com'on Buddy, LET'S GO!"  She said something along the lines of... "ok ok, I won't bother you anymore."  We rode our bikes back into the parking lot of the H.S. and I stood there decompressing what had just happened.  I was FUCKING MAD, but I didn't let Mr.N know.  I stood there, thinking about what had just happened.  I HAVEN'T FELT THAT FUCKING VIOLATED IN MY HOME TERRITORY SINCE I WILLINGLY LET BOB BACK INTO OUR LIVES.


Until I finish school and move back to my hometown...  I will have to worry about this PSYCHO lady living closer to me than any of my family and it makes me sick.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

I Am Too Fucking Trusting (& apparently don’t get along with anyone under 60)

I’m terrible at trusting people too fast.  I am an optimist.  I believe that EVERYONE around me has the same attitude.  The only problem is THEY DON’T!!!  A very good friend of mine (Ms.P, I’ll bring her up later) says I need to move away from the area that I’m at because any relationship that I have with these degenerate people that live around is “doomed for failure.”  I met with my Psychology professor today and he also said that I was too trusting!  He said I wear my feelings on my sleeves and I need to learn to conceal them more.  *ding ding ding!  We have a winner folks!* We said our goodbyes and he told me to come to his office to talk… shoot him an email and we can meet up anytime.  He is an AWESOME dude & I fully plan to take him up on it!  His insights on these people were spot fucking on!  :D

I listened to #DOUCHEmom for months as she talked about the people around her.  WHY DIDN’T I STOP MYSELF THINKING, “If she talks about these people like that!!!  Why wouldn’t she (at some point) talk about ME in the same way?”  I’m so fucking dumb/smart in hind sight.

When spring came early this year, I was too busy with college to know that Mr.J had blocked me from facebook.  When Mrs.M asked me why I was at Mr.J’s house earlier that weekend, I didn’t think too much of it.  I had a feeling that she knew more than she was letting on… But I TRUSTED HER!!!  At this point, she hadn’t given me a reason to NOT trust her.  She asked me stupid “high school” questions like, “Oh! Did you guys DO anything while you were in his house?”  & “Is there something going on with you and Mr.J?”  I said, “NO!  Nikolas wanted to play with Mr.A, but I have absolutely NOTHING going on with Mr.J”.  Mrs.M said, “That’s good because he’s been texting #DOUCHEmom, very inappropriate text messages and she made up a fake boyfriend to make it stop but it didn’t work anyway.”  SAY FUCKING WHAT?!?  I’m surrounded by adults with the mentalities of a 12 year old!  Mrs.M went on to say that all the sarcastic jabs she throws at Mr.J aren’t jokes, she means them and laughs about it.  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!!!  The only conclusion I can come to is that liars, two-faced people and losers only get along with liars, two-faced people and losers.  I’m proud to say, I just DON’T fucking fit in.

I’m fucking done with people I live around.  The only healthy relationship I’ve had since moving here is Ms.P & she’s 60 years old.  I guess only the semi elderly are mature enough for me.  Now that I think about it the only people I talk to at length over the phone are Ms.P & my dad’s wife who’s 65.  They’re the only two I ever pick up the phone for everyone else I text or call back later on my terms.  I don’t know when I stopped talking to people over the phone it just happened. 

Two year plan:
Graduate college & move back to my hometown in Wisconsin.  Where there is no cash assistance welfare and the people on disability are actual disabled.  Oh & people don’t have babies to get food stamps…  Is all of that too much to ask?  Fuck Minnesota!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Is This Only Funny and Ironic To Me?

These are ACTUAL facebook messages between me and another mom that lives near me.  She told me that she DID NOT agree with DOUCHEmom but then recanted her story.  It's a VERY funny read if you read the entire story.

Oh a few things more to consider with the Montessori, getting him there in the middle of winter (we are to close for bus service), Sending him lunch every day and that [DOUCHEmom] is going to be sending [her son] there.  The Parochial school will also reinforce your personal beliefs and morals, where as the Montessori will not. The parochial school is also going to be more firmly structured, not to mention you will get to have concerts etc that the Montessori does not do.

Like I'm gonna let [DOUCHEmom] dictate what's best for my child's education? HA! You already told me about everything else last summer so I was already aware. I have a feeling that [DOUCHEmom] already blocked me from [a particular] day care. I called [the day care] one day and she was ALL READY for Mr.N, SCHEDULE AND EVERYTHING and mysteriously at 4:20pm {when DOUCHEmom picks up HER kid from “said” day care} she said she was full. I have half a mind to check out this story because she still has a sign saying she has openings. Pretty sure there's discrimination in there. [DOUCHEmom] means about as much to me as a pebble stuck in my shoe.

oh yeah, i forgot that we talked about it last fall... I would at least check out this other school before you make a final decision.

After talking to Mr.N’s grandpa in CO tonight, I've decided that Mr.N WILL be going to the Montessori for kindergarten and I'll decide his whereabouts for 1st grade after January 2013. [DOUCHEmom] is sub-human to me because she is two-faced... Two-faced people are fake and untrustworthy. I'm sorry that you are friends but only because she confided in me that she was utterly disgusted that Mr.A (Mrs.M’s child) taught [DOUCHEmom’s kid]  "How to light matches" And trust me... she was REALLY pissed off about that because as she said, she keeps candles and matches around the house ALL THE TIME.

-[I am purposefully leaving something out here to protect Mrs.M from something REALLY hateful that DOUCHEmom said about her.]-

I feel bad about finally letting you know about things she's said about YOU... But I am NOT two-faced therefore, I cannot, in good faith, keep you in the dark either.  [DOUCHEmom] can say what she wants about me... But whatever untruths she slings at me? I can sling stupid shit right back at her.

I still think you should check out the other school before you make a final decision, but that's up to you. Oh, don't worry about it. First of all i was pretty mad about the match thing as well. I didn't know Mr.A knew how to light a match until then! Secondly,-[I am purposefully deleting again the very disparaging thing that DOUCHEmom said about Mrs.M]-

I liked the Montessori because Mr.N learns in a very non-public school kind of way. I decided a LONG time ago that I was going to keep Mr.N out of parochial school until 1st grade because it would save my aunt and uncle money. (My aunt and uncle decided a long time ago that they wanted to pay for Mr.N’s Christian education) So now that I LIKE the Montessori, I'm going to send him there for kindergarten. I can make lunches for Mr.N  I don't care about craft projects because we can do that at home if I really want. The reason why you keep trying to talk me out of Montessori? That part I can't understand. I've talked about every part that you brought up last summer and recently with his grandpa and we've both decided that the Montessori is right for Mr.N.

oh, i'm not trying to talk you out of it! I'm sorry if it came across that way, I was simply bringing up the points about it that i had thought about when deciding about sending Mr.A there. I actually cried about the concert thing (no clue why, must have been a hormonal day). I didn't realize you were set about Kindergarten being non parochial, which is why i was pushing to visit the other school before you made up your mind.

(no reply from me at this point…  I thought this conversation was pretty much over at this point…  But wait for it… wait for it… This next part is EPIC!)

I feel like, I should be completely honest with you, you are a good person and I respect you. Yet I have to say that I mostly agree with [DOUCHEmom]. Now I think things could have and should have been handled much better than they were, but that is a moot point now. Please read this to the end before you pass your judgment.
I feel you should be out there much more with Mr.N, I know that you trust him, but is it wise to implicitly trust a 5 year old to always do the right thing and stay out of trouble? I understand why you do not come out now,


but then should Mr.N really be out there with you not watching him? Because it is now left to at least me to watch him, you say that we are not expected to do so, but what else are we supposed to do when he gets mean or is a brat?

(hmmmmmm.. pretty sure you said you didn't JUDGE me and WANTED Mr.N to play with his "friends" behind our house.)

Just ignore it? Pretend like he did not just run into a kid with a bike, or smack them in the face just because you are not around? (LIKE THEIR CHILDREN HAVE NOT DONE THE EXACT SAME THINGS TO MR.N?) None of our kids are perfect, but Mr.N does have some problems. He still comes up to our sliding door and stares into the house, 

and if the door is open but the screen is shut he pesters to come inside, even after being told no and being asked politely to go away. If he knocks on the door and we don’t answer, he tries the glass door, and keeps going between the two doors until someone tells him to go away..

*Pot, kettle, black... Mr.A does the EXACT same thing to our patio door*

For Gods sake [she's atheist, so that's funny to me, lol] 3 year old [New kid, Mr.C] taps him (Mr.N) and he falls to the ground screaming and crying.
(refrain judgment on this one until you read my next message)
 He constantly whines and cries the second he doesn’t get his way then he becomes violent,
(ooooooo! Violent?  You mean he's starting to try and kill other kids!?!  Damn!  I really DO need to watch him more!)

hitting and pushing and kicking (yes they all do but you aren’t around to check that in him). I don’t like the way [my child, Mr.A] behaves after he has been around Mr.N. He starts doing the same whining crying that Mr.N does all the time.

(this is the child that WAILS at the top of his lungs after he gets hurt from starting sword fighting games with other kids)
When you are out there and he does something bad, all you do is shriek at him and give empty threats until he has worn you down and you can’t take it anymore and drag him inside. The whole town doesn’t want or need to hear you screaming at your kid. *The truth comes out RIGHT HERE*>>>You are right, I don’t want Mr.N going to Montessori, because I don’t want Mr.A around him all day everyday at least until he gets a handle on his social emotional issues. I also don’t think it is the right environment for Mr.N (at this point everything that she is pointing out about my child is more than laughable so I’ll leave my commentary OUT!) given these social emotional problems, I personally feel that a more structured environment would greatly benefit him. But that is not a decision for me to make. Who knows, maybe Montessori will be really good for him and help him too. I’m sorry that I lied about not trying to talk you out of Montessori, but I felt guilty after you asked, and I’ve been feeling awful all day, and like you telling me the things that [DOUCHEmom] said, I feel like you deserve the truth as well. As I stated before, none of the kids are perfect and they all have their own issues and problems, Mr.A (her child) has issues expressing Anger, but I try to always be around to help stop him from hitting or kicking etc.. I know that we as parents can’t always stop every action but we at least have to try. I respect you , and I know that you are a good person with a good heart. I also know that it is extremely difficult being a single mom with an abusive past. [Referring to the fact that I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse] I have tried to avoid any sort of confrontation, as the mere thought of hurting someone else makes me feel ill, even when that person and I share very different views and beliefs. There, now you know my feeling on the matter, and I am sorry for hurting you. I am so sorry for causing you pain, I do consider you a friend, and for that reason I had to send this to you, because you deserve the truth. Lying to try to protect your feelings and my own is wrong and will only hurt you further.

ME: (truth, truth, truth & truth)
Did you know that Mr.A (even just on Friday) comes to our patio door and knocks softly at 1st and eventually starts pounding when he doesn't get a speedy response? Friday was the 1st time we've been home in months so it makes me wonder how many times this has happened. If Mr.N has been coming up to your patio door, I'm sorry, I have told him not to but I guess since Mr.A does it over here on a VERY regular basis without me saying anything, Mr.N probably thought it was ok. I find it VERY ironic that you would say that you don't like the way Mr.A acts after being around Mr.N. Have you and [DOUCHEmom] spoken about this, because she said the EXACT same thing about [her child] after being around [your child]. I had to go back and read that part twice because I felt like I was having deja vu.
I am BY FAR not the ONLY guilty party when it comes to empty threats but I vow now to be the only person to start carrying out the threats of going inside. I can't believe you would even bring up "empty threats" when you are just as guilty about them as I am. YUP! I'm a yeller. My mom was a yeller and now I am a yeller. Habits like that are so tough to break but I was well aware of it long before you brought it up.

I witnessed Mr.N’s problems with [New kid, Mr.C] from the get-go. He was upset when [the little guy] ran away with something Mr.N was playing with and I emphatically told him that Mr.C didn't know any better and he was to let it go. The new mom,  was stern in saying, no! it's not ok, and I'm sure Mr.N picked up on that. Crying and whining about it are SURELY NOT the ways to handle things like that. But neither is wailing at the top of your lungs.

Mr.N is the 1st person to share new toys. Hell, someone road his new bike before he even did simply because they asked when we got home with it. He understands that it IS his and he'll be the one keeping it so he could care less if someone plays with something of his, new or not.

I get that you think no one kid is perfect but can you honestly go back and read the entire message you sent me and put [your child] in place of Mr.N on EVERY scenario you placed to me? I know I did.

I will be outside whenever Mr.N is from now on. I will not be over by you because, unlike you, I can't stand the two-faced nature of [DOUCHEmom]. She makes me sick to my stomach thinking about her. There is no respect or friendship between us like I thought. You only seem to affirming that [DOUCHEmom] was right when she said that [BITCHmom’s] insane bad attitude towards me is indeed shared by all. I should have known better than assume you were telling the truth about the fact that you told me you DIDN'T share their points of view when it came to me and my child.

I've never seen Mr.N rip of an article of clothing off another child and run away laughing [like DOUCHEmom’s kid did] & I've never seen Mr.N bring a toy outside and not allow another child to even touch it let alone play with it. Yes, Mr.N has A LOT of learning to do about social interactions but he has NO MORE or NO LESS learning than ANY child that lives in the vicinity. You said no one was perfect but you need to realize that Mr.N is not the ranked highest where bad behavior is concerned. From what I've witnessed they're ALL as guilty as Mr.N.


Oh i agree entirely that Mr.A has just as much to learn as Mr.N does, just in different areas, like sharing his toys, dealing with anger and realizing that in sharing his toys he will get them back. I think part of that problem stems from the time we lived in my parents basement and all the toys available were not his and he didn't get to keep anything. We are working on it. I do realize that a lot of these behaviors are age related and that the ones that arent you are well aware of. My point of the message was to inform you of the things that bother me ( no i did not confer with [DOUCHEmom] about any of it). I would like to know the things that bother you as well, so that i can be fully aware of them and try harder to curb them. I was not aware of Mr.A’s pounding on your door. I wish you would have told me sooner so i could have made sure he didn't do it anymore. We as parents are not perfect and it helps to know what bothers people so we can reassess how we react. Please understand that i do not hate or dislike you. Yes, there are things that i dislike, but it is not you or Mr.N. Mr.N is a good kid, and is very sweet.


I just think I'm being unfairly AND overly judged and I can't wrap my brain around "Why me?" There's a mob mentality going on here and as much as you tried to sugar coat it there is no one standing up for the good things about me & my child, just A LOT of nasty "behind-the-back" talk. I'd like to see how ANY of you would fair if you were constantly being scrutinized, ridiculed and singled out. I said what I said about Mr.A because you were pointing out things about MY child that I've seen every other child be guilty of, but I'm NOT going to make a list of things that other people do that annoy me. It's not only hurtful but it would be chock full of inconsistencies because if you did something that annoyed me, it's VERY possible that it's just me. I can't say that you do a single specific thing to me that annoys me. The fact that you call me a friend on facebook messages and shun me in public isn't annoying, it's hurtful and mean. Honestly the only thing that REALLY annoys me is people that clip their finger nails in public. HA! If people do that do I run up and tell them so? No, just because it annoys me, it could be totally acceptable to someone else. Calling someone out on my personal pet-peeve will just make look silly and judgmental.


FYI Ms.N (a delightful woman who has no kids, but also lives in our area) has Shingles so unless Mr.N has had Chicken pox, he (and all the kids) should keep their distance from her.

-end conversation-

WTF????  ALL of my last message was replied to by saying someone has shingles?!? No "I'm sorry.  That was pretty shitty of me." No admission of guilt whatsoever?  I swear I live around the most unmoral group of people EVER!
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. – John Wooden