I was scared…
I was scared… SHITLESS!
I was looking at the man who fathered my child, holding my 1st born son over a VERY cold, hard floor. I KNEW… If this drunken asshole dropped my little baby, he would be DEAD! His “father” had been next to us for the last 5 days, but I also knew his sobriety never lasted longer than 3 days before THIS… Something had to give. I pressed the nurse button… I told BOB, “YOU PUT HIM DOWN NOW!!! OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE EVERYONE IN THIS HOSPITAL TAKE YOU DOWN!”
*6 days earlier*
My water broke at 11pm on Sunday night, October 1st, 2006. I had just got off the phone with my father. He asked me to go to communion at an LCMS Church before my due date in one week and I told him that I would. 10 minutes later, my water broke! I called my dad back and told him, “The baby is coming!” He said, “Wake BOB up NOW! And get to the hospital!” I tried to wake BOB up, but in his drunken stooper…. He hit me across my face and said “Shut up BITCH! Let me sleep!!!” I paced between the bedroom, living room, kitchen & bathroom before I finally decided what I HAD to do. I took off the VERY wet shorts I was wearing and threw them on BOB’S face. When he woke up and said, “What THE FUCK?!?” I told him calmly, “My water broke you IDIOT!!! You wouldn’t wake up when I 1st asked you to, so I had to resort to this!” He was DISGUSTED! But honestly, so was I. I had my bag already packed and we got to the car. Half way to the hospital BOB told me, “You better fucking be in labor this time.” I cried and said, “Well if I’m NOT… I have just peed my pants like I’ve never peed them before.” We got to the hospital and I got checked in. My water broke THREE more times after I got there and I was TOTALLY freaked out! The staff explained that a person’s water doesn’t necessarily break just “once.” It was Midnight before I got my room… BOB went to sleep on the couch and I stayed up watching TV.
Around 3am a Nurse came into my room to watch TV with me. After the show, a commercial came on for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I looked at her and said, “You HAVE to know that all of that is BULLSHIT… Right? My Mom died of ovarian cancer in 2000 & they are just giving people “false hope.” The nurse grabbed my hand even harder and said, “Yes. They have NO idea what they’re talking about.”
At 5am, I called my sister at home. I told her that I had been in labor since 11pm the night before. She said that she would go to work but check up on me, all through the day.
Pitocin, pitocin, pitocin, pitocin…. By 11am, I couldn’t take it anymore. Nothing was happening and I screamed for an epidermal. I stayed still for it and after that… I had NO MORE PAIN.
At 5pm, my sister showed up with video camera and everything. 2 hours later my Doctor proclaimed that Nikolas was in distress and we needed to do an immediate C-section. During the C-section they found that Nikolas’ umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice.
Nik was born at 6:35 pm on 10/03… I finally got to hold him in my arms around 10pm on October 3rd, 2006. 24 hours after my water broke.
The next morning, I woke up… COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED! The nurses had brought Nik into my room to breast feed through the night. I was aware of it but I was still so totally exhausted that I just trusted my nurses to take care of Nikolas and me.
I was SPENT!!! I had NO way of understanding, as a new mother, how I was supposed to FEEL?!?
When my regular Doctor came in to see me, the morning after my C-section… She took ONE look at me and ran out of the room. All the sudden I had nurses, PAs, LPNs, CNAs and my Dr. rushing around me. They were taking my blood pressure & vital signs. Little did I know at the time… The Doctor who had followed me through my WHOLE pregnancy saw that I was near death, 10 hours after my C-section.
All through the night I had been bleeding internally. Later we found out that I had lost half of my body’s blood volume by morning.
I was raced to a full body scan… and given blood transfusions for the rest of the day (4 transfusions to be exact). Finally at 4:30pm the Doctor that took Nikolas from me (in a C-section) less than 24 hours earlier decided that it was time to do ANOTHER surgery to find out where my internal bleeding was coming from. I told BOB to PLEASE take care of Nikolas if I didn’t make it through my surgery… and he cried.
When I woke up from my surgery… I started SCREAMING!!! *totally irrational, I had NO idea what the hell I was talking about* “WHERE IS MY BABY?!? WHO TOOK MY BABY?!? WHERE IS HE?!?” I remember a bunch of people holding me down and then… blackness.
When I woke up again I remembered what I did and said… I immediately apologized to the people around me, but they replied, “It happens more often than you may think.” *now THAT was embarrassing*
They explained that they had “opened me back up… taken out all my organs… turned them over… looked at the backsides of them… they saw NO perforations, tears or cuts to my organs… but they found A LOT of internal bleeding. So whatever was nicked by a scalpel during my c-section, cause A LOT of blood loss afterward, but repaired it’s self shortly before me 2nd surgery. *FUCKING GREAT, the 2nd surgery was for NOTHING, sort of, well, in the end anyway*
4pm: Nikolas is DISCHARGED from the hospital… but I am NOT! Seeing that I have NO way of getting a hold of Nikolas’ “father”… Nikolas is allowed to stay with me but since HE is officially DISCHARGED the nurses aren’t allowed to have any “hands-on contact” with Nik.
5pm. 6pm. 7pm. 8pm. 9pm. 10pm.
10pm: BOB finally answers his phone… He is CRYING!!! He says that he has LOST our car. He admits that he went downtown, drinking, but he REALLY, REALLY wants to come back to the hospital room… If he can only find the car!
By now, I told him, “Don’t set FOOT into this hospital! Call a cab, go THE FUCK home and sleep it off! DO NOT come here or I will call security.
… but he shows up anyway, in my hospital room.
I was scared…
I was scared… SHITLESS!
I was looking at the man who fathered my child, holding my 1st born son over a VERY cold, hard floor. I KNEW… If this drunken asshole dropped my little baby, he would be DEAD! His “father” had been next to us for the last 5 days, but I also knew his sobriety never lasted longer than 3 days before THIS… Something had to give. I pressed the nurse button… I told BOB, “YOU PUT HIM DOWN NOW!!! OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE EVERYONE IN THIS HOSPITAL TAKE YOU DOWN!”
The ASSHOLE put my son down, in his bed and I cancelled the nurse’s call.
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